Monday, July 27, 2009
I'm... slipping.
The highway overpass, the self abuse, and the urges to just take something and drift away from everyone, everything.
And Tyler. I love that boy so much and I'm suddenly petrified that I'll lose him. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because... that thing.... the stupid nagging sentence I can never forget that says he, and every guy, will eventually leave me if I'm not good enough. And I've already been "not good enough" for a while, with not going to Zero and totally freaking out in front of him at Pizza Hut. God, and I kicked Zack. What a stupid little bitchy whore. And if he only knew about Friday.... Yeah. Right. Whatthefuckever. I ruin everything. He would have never said the things he did if he knew.
Anyways. I guess I've kinda been burying that and it just came to the surface. I'm actually in a fairly good mood. I've been with Gabby and Tyler a lot the past three days, and Warped Tour is coming up. Dakota is still being psycho ex but I can handle it. I really wish I had a job, because I'm in desperate need of money. As usual, My emotions are crazy and I can never tell where they're going. I don't know what's wrong with me. Zack is totally confusing me and I never seem to have enough time to see the people I want to see and do the things I want to do.... I love my parents a lot, but I suddenly can't wait to move out. I don't know why. And I'm getting fat.
I got my school schedule today... It's a pretty good schedule, but I'm still absolutely dreading going back to that hellhole.
G'night, blogspot.
Posted by Alex at 10:20 PM