Sunday, August 9, 2009

I got back from Camp MOSH yesterday. It was really amazing. There was this little boy named Steven at the house we were volunteering at. He was just so sweet and loved helping us. He was beaming the whole time. Then one day, he apparently overheard someone say it was hot. So he rode his bike to a gas station and bought us all Popsicles with his own money. He's nine. It was just so endearing. Steven has had a really hard life and he's just a wonderful little boy.

Then there was Sean. God, I'm tearing up just thinking of him. I love him and I've only known him for five days. I remember the first time I noticed him. He was leaning against a wall in the cafeteria waiting in line for food staring at the ceiling like he was way away from here. He looked innocent. Then someone said something to him and he instantly toughened up, went back to his gangster persona. The way I got to go back to his tent was when he offered me a Monster. We sat and talked and drowned out the country music playing at the school with Linkin Park. I found out he was a crack baby. He told me about his life, I told him about mine. It was almost too easy, opening up to him. He smoked, I smoked. Yeah, I smoked. Four cigarettes. Now I'm done. Then there was the things he did behind my back; threatened a guy who liked me because he was afraid I'd stop talking to him, sobbed by himself because he was convinced no one loved him, burned himself and took some Ritalin to shut up the noise inside his head. I can completely relate to him and he makes me want to cry and laugh all at once. He wrapped his sweatshirt around me without me even asking. The thing that captured my attention the most, though, was that he acted like such a hard ass when really he's incredibly vulnerable. If I would have never gotten to know him, I would probably think he's just some asshole poser. But really, he's one of the most amazing and inspirational people ever. I never got to say goodbye to him, though; he got extremely sick and had to go home in the middle of the night. I don't think I'll ever see him again, and it crushes me. I'm now considering becoming a psychologist because of Sean. I want to help people like him. He deserves it... He deserves help. I miss him so much.

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(We're lying in the grass, skipping praise and worship, and his hand is next to mine. I'm tying pieces of grass in knots.)

Him: What are you thinking?

Me: -giggle-

Him: What? Tell me, please?

Me: Well, I'm thinking about you and me. And about what I ate after Warped Tour. And I have Bohemian Rhapsody stuck in my head.

Him: Oh god. -laughs a lot- You're awesome.

Me: Thank you. -grins-

Him: I want to say what I'm thinking but it would be totally weird and it would ruin everything. I mean, I'm such a freak and you're-

Me: Just say it then. I won't care.

Him: -sighs- Okay, well, you know in Harry Potter when...

And he proceeds to relay a Harry Potter scene when Harry is thinking of how easy it is to grab that golden flying ball thing out of the air but he had such a hard time just grabbing this girl's hand and that's kinda how he feels now...