Monday, October 5, 2009
Oh. Awesome. He's taken as of five days ago. I don't know why the hell I got my hopes up.
I'm crying. A lot. I can't remember the last time I cried. I cannot stop. I want to cut myself and get high and shut up the voices inside my head. Here's one reason why:
"ok so ya i know like we dont talk anymore, but i thought you would find this... interesting?.. ok well you know how i'm all like anti-cutting... ya... i just cut a smiley in my thigh."
Dakota sent me that. He's been doing stuff like that all the time lately, and blaming me for his cutting. And I know he's just trying to get to me, but I feel absolutely shitty anyways.
And Gabby just stopped by, and she's such a good friend.... I'm such a horrible friend.
But you're jsut fucking crazy Alex, of course you're repetitive in your complaints like the rest your friends. They're still sensetive to you though and you just like to build up those fucking brick walls.
God you'recrazycrazycrazyyou'recrazy. These voices won't fucking shut up! I want to sleep or OD or die something, just so I can stop feeling. I fucking hate feeling.
Posted by Alex at 5:43 PM