Sunday, June 27, 2010
I'm fucking crazy I'm fucking crazy I'm fucking crazy.
I hate it when this happens! I fucking hate it! I'm attacking myself inside my head and it won't stop and I have all these urges to do horrible things to myself.
Dakota wants me to tell him what's wrong but how am I supposed to? Should I tell him I have voices screaming at me telling me I'm a horrible person, that I'm a fuck up, that I'm worthless and talentless and purposeless and hopeless? He wouldn't get it. He would just tell me I mean the world to him and expect me to feel better. I don't know how to feel better.
As soon as I'm alone at night, it attacks me. It rips my insides out and screeches profanity and unimaginable
cruelty. No matter how much I cry or scream or write or whatever... it won't go away. I know how to make it go away. But I'm not supposed to do those things anymore.
I'm always writing about the same thing. I've been dealing with it forever.
It never goes away.
It never gets better.
How do I get better?
Posted by Alex at 8:07 PM